Lyrics
[Intro — spoken, quiet, over organ]
They find a reason...
And the reason is never the real one.
[Verse 1]
Nine years old with a doctor's hand on my chest
He heard two of us breathin', wrote down "nothin'" on the rest
Grandmama said asthma, kept the Lord on the dial
I thought everybody carried somethin' — carried mine with a smile
Won every battle at the loop, they could quote me like a psalm
Couldn't tell you why the rain stood still or why the crowd stayed calm
I said it's breath control, said it a thousand times or more
Didn't know the second breath was breathin' me before
[Hook]
I was 'sleep — and it still spoke
Four words in the dark and the whole room broke
My sister heard it all, she won't say what it said
Just "it wasn't nice, and it wasn't 'bout nobody... and it was true"
I called it breath control
But I was never in control
I was never in control
[Verse 2]
Baltimore in March, went up mad, went up wrong
Bass arrivin' 'fore the kick like it knew the words to my song
Seven hundred people, front rows folded like a wave
Nobody ran — that's the part that keeps me up, that's what stays
Seventeen years old, front row, left of the light
Walked out knowin' the president, forgot his sister that night
His mama fixed my plate, said "you know it wasn't the crowd"
First honest thing in eleven years — I said it out loud
[Hook]
I was 'sleep — and it still spoke
Four words in the dark and the whole room broke
My sister heard it all, she won't say what it said
Just "it wasn't nice, and it wasn't 'bout nobody... and it was true"
I called it breath control
But I was never in control
I was never in control
[Bridge — stripped down, near silence, one breath audible]
Vonnie, I'm sorry I laughed on 95
You been seein' it since eight, I been blind my whole life
You said it went through everybody, didn't touch you last
Said "I'm your sister — and it ain't know the difference"
...
It ain't know the difference
[Outro — spoken over fading choir]
There's a card in my wallet
Plain black name, nothin' on the back
Rang four times
She said "take your time"
So I did
...and that's what this has been